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Why White People Have To Pass A Quiz Before Dating Me

“Would you rather meet her (re: my) parents for the first time in black face or spit in their face?”

I heard what she was telling me, but didn’t really hear it. This was the ‘would you rather’ question her friend had posed to her. Yes, she was white. Yes, the friend was white. No, her answer was not a great one. And yes, I was tired. Done. Over it. 

I always thought that a white person would try harder to be sensitive, justice-minded and an activist for racial equity if they were ‘in love’ with a Black person. But based on my past experiences, I was dead wrong. 

The relationships all start out so well and then the questionable comments, blaccent, and bonnet-wearing always seemed to sneak in. And my (excuse my French) dumb Black ass always excused it by trying to educate them on why the [insert racist thing they did here] was wrong.

So of course, when one relationship ends, where do I go? Back to Hinge, Bumble, and (if I’m feeling a bit desperate) Tinder, in that order. And what do I see? The same damn thing.

White woman (swipe right). White woman (swipe left). White non-binary person (swipe right). White woman (swipe left). Black woman (swipe right). Two matches, two white women. Ughhhhh.

And then I realised: dating apps rarely showed me people of colour. They also gave me next to nothing about the whole lot of white people I’d see, other than knowing if they were ‘no to TERFs’ or ‘#BLM’ (on paper, at least).