Like a vivid memory, like a scary movie, like a tornado in a storm, that's how I would describe my 10 years of Schizophrenia.
Unlike a wound or injury, I have tried on many occasions to bandage my scars of denial. When my denial fails, I go into cure mode convincing myself my mental illness has gone away. I have spent many an evening wrapping imaginary bandages around my head to patch up the pains of my past. Hoping to erase the mental imagery of my childhood illnesses that caused me such turmoil.
I'm at my most dangerous, my most vulnerable when I have moments of complacency and I forget about my illness. You see, that's what mental illness wants, it wants me to relax, forgot about being aware, forget about having enhanced insight, so when I least expect it, bam! – madness rears its ugly head, and I am slowly and gently put into the ambulance again on my way to back to the psychiatric hospital.