I started thinking about polyamory around the same time I started questioning my sexuality. Although I knew what the ideal relationship looked like for me: having both a girlfriend and a boyfriend. I was unaware of the language and even less aware of what the mechanics of said relationship could be. 

When I finally met the love of my life, who had been my best friend for over eight years, it was an easy conversation to have because we both wanted the same thing.

A third, maybe even fourth to complete the happy relationship we were building. I quickly realised however, that this deep yearning didn’t quite prepare me for the reality of dating multiple people. Regardless I’ve learnt a lot in the past two years so, here are my top three tips to prepare for a polyamorous relationship.

Have the conversation

Being poly means you can love multiple people, but the true test of it all is how you handle your partner loving someone else or other people as well. Unlike polygamy (which includes one person being married to multiple people), polyamory involves many dynamics and different types of relationships but in all forms, it’s certainly not all about you.

My partners and I are part of a triad. Whilst triads have their own different dynamics, ours involves all three of us being poly monogamous. 

Everyone is involved with everyone and anything outside of those bounds would be considered cheating. There is no one partner with multiple partners, it is a whole triangle of love.

This didn’t automatically happen overnight though. As anything does, it all started with a conversation. This is something that’s important to reiterate because polyamory is not cheating and should not start from cheating.