Since I turned 20, the first thing I usually do at the beginning of every New Year is create a Yearly Bucket List. I know it sounds strange, right? People usually have a lifetime bucket list for places they want to go and things they want to try, but for me, it’s more than that. But I wasn’t always like this.

Something changed within me when I went beyond my teenage years. In retrospect, I think a part of me thought, “Okay, life just got real. What’s your plan, girl?” The moment that thought hit me, I knew I had to create a road map. Now, the question was how to do so? On a sunny Saturday in college, I got my answer while making a “to-do” list for the day. 

The plan was simple. I already had a rough idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I was already used to making “to-do” lists to keep track of my plans for the day, so I could just make one to keep track of my plans for the year. That moment was truly a brilliant one for me. In theory, it was pretty simple. All I had to do was open my notes app and list things I wanted to achieve by the end of the year. I believe that action alone was a will booster for me. By making a personal yearly checklist, I was challenging myself, daring myself to complete each goal and mark the box.

The first time I checked the box, I felt more fulfilled than ever in my two decades of existence. The euphoria I felt was breathtaking. Some of the things on my bucket list were goals I didn’t fully believe I could achieve, but once I ticked the first one, I became motivated. It felt like my secret game, and I was racing to finish before time ran out. In this case, the timer is the 12 months we have in the year. With each month that passed with an unticked box, it felt like I was running out of time. And then, by July, panic set in. By October, I began having mild breakdowns. I had only ticked four boxes off my bucket list and felt so bad.