For a long while I thought that I’d suddenly developed shyness as a result of simply growing out of a ‘confidence phase’. I was the child that would actively perform my made-up dances for my parents’ friends, who eagerly auditioned for acting school with dreams of hitting the big screen, who would sing for strangers and rarely be afraid to speak up in large groups.
I used to be so self-assured and while now in my mid-20s I still have my moments, sometimes I ‘perform confidence’ instead.
One of the first times I noticed that my behaviour was more than just ‘being shy’, I was sitting in a virtual meeting several months into a new job. I’d been quiet during most of the meetings and felt an immense pressure to contribute. It’s not that I didn’t have any ideas or comments, I’d just felt increasingly anxious about sharing them.
“What if they think my ideas are useless? What if I don’t sound too sure of myself when I’m speaking? Do they notice how nervous I look on camera?”