Through my own experiences – both as a Black woman and as a seasoned participant in the painful rituals of unreciprocated love – I’ve come to realise that the one-sided dynamic of unquestioning devotion that is expected of us is neither incidental nor accidental. It’s a reflection of a world that misunderstands the origins of love itself.

Many assume that childhood is the site where we first encounter being loved, a time of warmth and care where love flows one way, unconditionally. Parents, teachers, and caregivers are expected to give wholly and freely, demanding nothing in return. Yet, beneath this idealised notion lies a more complex truth: expectations are attached to this love, however subtle or unconscious.

From the beginning, we’re shaped by these expectations. For girls, especially Black girls, the unspoken contract often requires transformation: the dreaming daughter must become the self-sacrificing mother, the unflinching community leader, or the tireless worker in a system that denies her humanity.