This year I turn 53 and have learned to build my life by filling my time, managing my space and carrying myself through it without waiting for anyone. I have never struggled to connect with people. I have formed great friendships and can speak easily with others in both professional and social settings. But what I don’t know, after twelve years of being single, is where exactly I’m supposed to meet a man I genuinely connect with. 

I have often felt that by this stage in my life I should have experienced a lasting, successful relationship and that somehow, I missed a point of entry everyone else seemed to find naturally. I have tried online, speed dating, singles events and doing all the things singletons are advised to do, such as ‘be open’.

At dating events I spent evenings going from one brief conversation to another, answering the same (and sometimes very unusual!) questions, smiling, appearing interested, open and positive. But by the end of the night, I always left feeling deflated and emotionally drained and a lot less hopeful than when I arrived.