I’ve learnt that life is just everything hanging acutely in balance, most of the time. One thing I know for sure is that the first lockdown really tested my hanging baskets and lots of them fell on the floor. All of the flowers fell out – literally. Well, not literally. I’ll leave this analogy here for the time being but it was a mess and also I still have a headache from it all.
But I lost so many things, the first thing being my fiancé two months before we went into the lockdown. There was a little bit of infidelity (I’m being nice) so we politely called it quits (I’m being optimistic). I was not in the best mental space at that point, mostly because I had suffered a bereavement the year before that and was not in a place to be able to suffer in that kind of way again.
I made what still kind of feels like endless mistakes in the way that we ended. I know suffering is something that happens to us all and life is largely suffering but I was not in a place to be able to do it. But if you can’t be resilient to suffering you can’t really live. But there’s one thing that I learned about life in those moments: if it’s going to happen, it will happen and there is not much that anyone can do or say about it. We are not in control and actually never have been and never will be.